Ok, at first it sounded sort of great. The Butcher home with me, laid up, helpless. He would have to have hours of conversation with me, and depend on me for his every need and whim. What was I thinking ? Not great. He is like a crazy man, he is going stir crazy. Maybe tomorrow will be easier, since its supposed to rain. He is trying to spend the time thinking. About all sorts of things….our life, our finances, God as provider, family relationships….sounds good until you actually TRY to do it, and then you lay there in your invalid state, and let all the things that you can’t change overwhelm you. Maybe tomorrow, we will play yahtzee !
We did find out that he has a couple of jobs when he recovers, so that is good. God is leading us ,blindfolded, into each new day. We are shuffling our feet, and stumbling, but we are following.
Last night I cooked the first dinner in our new home. We have actually been in for a week, but did not get the oven in until Friday night. I was feeling good, domestic…even. I thought I heard singing outside ,where the Butcher and Adam were playing basketball. I kept on fooling around in the kitchen, determined not to burn anything. It was only a minute later when Adam came flying in the door,”MOM, Dad is hurt, come QUICK !” Not what you want to hear. Upon running out, I found my husband on the ground in incredible pain. He was sure that he had a broken ankle. That singing I had heard…not so much, more like howling. He described the sound that he heard as he turned the ankle, popping ,cracking, and crunching. It wasn’t breakfast cereal people, it was his ankle, and that’s not good.
We all prayed for healing, the pastor of our church called and prayed over the phone. We decided to give it until morning, before going in for the x-ray. By the morning, it was huge and purple. We were sure that it was broken, he could not stand on it all. We had Dr. Ben come over and pray with us after church. It was a good prayer time, started out asking for a creative miracle in the ligaments ,and bone, of the Butcher’s ankle, but ended up praying for the heart of the matter. Somehow, the heart is always at the heart of it. And for that, I am grateful.
We got the x-ray…..NOT BROKEN !!!! From the look of it, we were sure that it was. NOT BROKEN, NO SURGERY !! So relieved. Thomas will have to be off of it for at least a week….he tore all of the ligaments, severe damage, but NOT BROKEN. This had been our prayer. And now we pray for supernatural recovery. And supernatural faith that the Lord will provide while Thomas cannot, that’s where the heart comes in. Sometimes you are sitting around, covering yourself up in your circumstances, when something happens that puts your eyes back on the prize….Jesus. The prize, the reward….the one we’re running for.
Yesterday was unusual. I had an audition for a television commercial. It’s really just the possibility of a commercial, but still…out of the box, for me. So many thoughts went through my head, as I prepared. Some good, some bad. When it came right down to it, I did it ! I was scared and mostly of being bad at it. I think I was pretty good. And the Lord used it to show me that there are things that I can do, places that I can reach, corners of my personality…that are still waiting, still sleeping. He is breathing on me, HE is waking me up. Exciting me, seducing me, romancing me….again, and still.
I get annoyed when people ask if the kids are playing soccer, or piano, or taking some other random lesson. Yeah, I know….not good. But the fact is …sometimes, its enough…to just be, to just get the school projects done, to eat as a family, to pray at bed time, to look each one of them in the eyes for a few minutes each day. We are a big family, and sometimes its just enough to be that…a family. Thats it. Just a little morsel to snack on, and now I am back to work, putting this new house together for my family.
As you can imagine the days over here have been FULL. We started packing on wednesday, my sister had her baby on thursday( I will post a picture soon, his name is Ezra, and he is beautiful), more packing on friday, and saturday…we moved in. O M Goodness ! So, I thought I would compile a little list of the things that we are missing, and the things that we are…not.
- we are missing an oven, however, we are not missing any meals !
- we are missing a dishwasher (the Butcher and I, have been taking turns )
- we are missing doorknobs, but the kids are not missing creativity, they have created their own doorknobs out of random objects.
- we are missing the covers that go over all of the vents, but we are not missing HEAT !
- we are missing a powder room mirror, but thankfully, that bathroom DOES have a door !
When it comes right down to it, we aren’t missing much. We are enjoying the new house thoroughly. We have each other, we have great friends who helped get us in here. I mean really, true blue. In love with you all, you are always there when we need you. Thanks. The kids are at the neighbors house playing now, and I am swept away in a wave of emotion, and grattitude for today. I am praying for the Weir family, they lost their daughter in a car accident this weekend. I will be unpacking, and find myself praying again for the peace ,that I know they need. It has rocked my attitude, and I am humbled. Enjoy the snow, live in the present….peace.
I am still here. Just not on facebook. I am fasting that, among other things. Enough said. The moving is moving along. Tomorrow, the Butcher will put door knobs and cabinet pulls up, hopefully he will get to the closets and mirrors, too. We’ll see. The blogs this week will be sketchy, my mind is going in a million different directions.
Youth group….what can I say ? Matt is making me happy. Last week, he gave the sex talk, and the pornography talk. He said all the same things that I do, only in a cooler way. I sat there listening, thinking,” yes, you guys can CHANGE the culture, not just blend into it”. Adam was moved, any of you who have middle school boys , know that it is a miracle in itself if they REALLY hear something. I am not giving up. Matt has given me hope that there are people who have my back, people who believe that purity, even in todays world is attainable, if you are willing to fight for it. Why live with less ? Every kid out there who lets someone talk them into sex, is being lied to and stolen from. Is that ok with you ? Its not ok with me. But you already knew that.
Busy,busy,busy…. Feels like I have sat around for months WAITING to move, for the house to be ready. Yesterday, the Butcher says to me”we have to move on saturday”. THIS SATURDAY ? Yep. There are no closet racks, no door knobs, no mirrors, no appliances…..sure, why not ? So, I am walking around my current house trying to figure out where to start. Luckily, we are good at moving, plenty of practice. I just start with the things we don’t use on a daily basis, and go from there.
Belle asked me the other night if we could try to stay in this house until she was grown up ( she has a friend who has lived in the same house her whole life). At first I felt sorry for her, but then I realized… Home is where the heart is. Really. We are movers, in the natural, and in the spirit.
Good things about the new house
- No neighbors so close that we can see their t.v.
- A back porch
- A Pantry
- a laundry room that you can’t see from the back door
- a bonus room
I am excited about it, the move will be fast and furious, but every time you get a fresh start….enjoy it !! This means organization, and clean tubs. Ok. Back to work, see you soon.
Ok. I made it to Becky’s book study today. Hmmm. Now I see why the deciever would pull out all the stops to keep me from getting there. It was warm, engaging, educational, and no one wanted to leave. Eventually, I did have to leave…the kids had to be picked up from school. There was an abundance of love and wisdom to go around. These women understand the Father’s love, and they want HIS kingdom….here, now. I do, too. My heart was not totally open, but I felt it softening. I am having major trust issues ( since Glam), I trust the Lord, its people that I am not sure about. But, its getting better, and better. Todays bookstudy went a long ways toward setting it right. More details to come…..
Its been a few days now since I fell asleep on my close floor, and I am STILL thinking about what the Lord said. He is showing me myself and my stepdaughter in the same picture. Though offended, I will cling to HIM. The laws are so simple to keep….but love…why do I struggle with this one so much?
I went to prayer on Monday night, it was good for me. I layed out the scar tissue that is my heart, and asked the Lord to begin to tenderize it….I know that he is, I can feel it. I know that there is more. I am headed out today, to a womens group. The enemy has done his best to keep me from going, so, I can only assume that there is something for me there….I will let you know.
WARNING ! GRAPHIC EMOTIONAL CONTENT….WARNING! GRAPHIC EMOTIONAL CONTENT…..WARNING!
A thought occurred to me tonight as I lay on my closet floor. No teenage girl WANTS to be shoved up against the bathroom wall,and taken advantage of. All she wants is for someone to tell her she is pretty, and to love her, to love her, to love her, to love her.
I know where the thought came from. Believe it or not, it came from the one whose LOVE covers all I’ve done. It was a freeing thought, an odd thought…out of the blue, when I was thinking a million different thoughts….I am going to be okay. My kids are going to be okay. I am covered. We are covered. I have searched for a long time for a love like this, and now I need to rest in it.
Take away this judgement Lord, this false sense of control….I don’t want to be like the others, I want to be like you. I want to be in love with….love. I havent been. Its the one thing that I have looked for forever, and the one thing that I have been selfish with. I am broken open, a little bit battered and shattered tonight. Forgive the mess, I am so relieved…..waste me on you.
