I get to love you through it….

For six years I have been in a battle. It has left me wounded, bloody, exhausted, and at times broken wide open. The battle to get my youngest son (10) to go to school. It ended today. I raised the white flag of surrender. I will homeschool him for the remainder of this year. We will work on trusting each other, we will rest, and heal. He, too has been bloodied in this battle.  And so… no more walking on eggshells every morning, no more ignoring the needs of my other children just because this one can tear me apart, no more waiting for the phone call from the school….

It is yet to be determined what caused this child of mine to hate school so much, as far as I can tell it started in pre-school.  I have been unwilling to lose this battle.  The cost has been huge.  Anger, and resentment,  fear of man,  and fear of child…those are my burdens.  My son’s burdens have been even heavier,  shame and lack of confidence have crippled him at times. His anger, like mine…bubbles, just under the surface, and you don’t want to be on the receiving end of it.  It is like wounded animals that we fight, both of us. And so…we are licking our wounds, the world be damned, we are doing what is best for us.  And that means peace, it means…surrender to the voice of truth, the one who loves my son even more than I do. It means being willing to lose this battle, but save the heart of my son.  He is mine for a little while, at least. And whatever comes…I get to love him through it.

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