I haven’t written. Not because of a lack of subject matter, it just seemed too overwhelming. There are so many directions that I could go in. I’ve stared at the page for several days in a row…what do I want to tell you ?
I’ve been broke. I’m broke every time I hear God call my name. I break when he reminds me that I’m in his hand, that no matter what HE has a plan. This past couple of weeks have found me broken again. There has been need, and want, sickness, and sadness. There have been questions that threaten to drive me insane. But he is there…here. While I wallow, and wade through the what ifs, I hear him call my name, and it is not so much a command, more like a revelation. He is with me, and he knows me, he reveals me, and I break. Again. It’s good.
Adam is turning 15 in a few minutes, and I have struggled with that this week. It seems like I can remember every day of his life so far. I know that is impossible. So many moments, so many memories. First words, then funny phrases…the way Adam couldn’t fall asleep alone until he was 6, the joy that I have felt every single day since he was born. Yep, breaking again. Letting God pour in. And so it goes, moving forward…learning to love.