Parenting.

I’ve been trying to figure it out.  I’ve been trying not to shout.  Over complicate, over  simplify ? All I know for sure is that it changes everyday.  Lead with love ? Yes, try to.  Accept all the bull that kids try to throw at you ? No. They have been robbed, born to parents who were robbed…broken world, you get the picture.  The goal, as I see it…would be to figure out what was stolen from you … the parent, and then lean into getting it back.  There will be a price, but it will be worth it to be wholehearted.  With your heart whole and your eyes focused on the kingdom of God in the present tense , you (and by you, I mean me) will be able to fight for your kids, and help them figure out what is missing , their birthright, peace and joy…fullness. It’s my first mission to be wholehearted, and second to parent my kids. Sometimes my husband talks about going somewhere adventurous, and I make it my business to remind him that we are in treacherous terrain everyday ! We are navigating through puberty, modesty, honoring, academics, sports, thirst and hunger of the spirit, not just the body, and an enemy that wants to eat us all alive.  (my dramatic nature is not what I have robbed of, as you can see) Landmines are cleverly disguised as normal teenage life. It’s no joke.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written, there are a ton of legitimate reasons, but the only one that matters is that I did not want to sound desperate, life has thrown a few curve balls at us, and I had to process on my own for a while. It is a new season for us. I am excited, but wise enough to know that even now, during their independent years… my kids need guidance, they need me to be wholehearted so that I can be powerful in my prayers for them.  It’s hard to parent from a place of brokeness.  It makes us cry out in desperation instead of leaning into God, and trusting him.  I have been crying this morning, and for too many years. I am ready to lean.

a fine young man

me and adamAdam says that I never blog about him. I think we all know that is not true. Adam makes my heart go pitter-patter. Its an exciting day for him. He was chosen to go before the American Board of  Architecture (along with 16 other kids), and make a presentation about a model house that they have been working on in challenge. He is so excited. He has to wear a tie. I am so excited, I will post a picture.

                  He has worked so hard on the house, he actually burned his fingers yesterday working on it, he went to bed with 6 fingers bandaged up. But thats him, thats just who he is. If something is important to him….he will not give up. He is a fighter and a winner. And darned cute, if I do say so myself.

ps. I trimmed his hair last night, and while we were doing that he said” I need to say I’m sorry mom”.   “for what son ?” “well, when I burned my hand, I said oh my god”. 

Funny, he doesn’t really feel the need to repent for calling his class a “hell-hole filled with snitches and bitches”, but take the Lord’s name in vain ??  (he was so sorry)I am okay with that. You have to have priorities, and if his heart is for the LORD….I’m a happy mama.

Happy Mother’s Day (courtesy of the Butcher)

P5090155  The Butcher out did himself this year !! He took me to break out bras !( that is a post for another day)He took me to old navy to get tanks and shorts…nice, but the treat was this morning. I had coffee in bed and then in walked the children, led by the Butcher, all wearing paper crowns proclaiming my goodness ! There were lovely cards and a bag full of gum(to make up for the fact that they go into my purse and steal mine all the time). But…he saved the best for last, he wrote a poem. I LOVE poems on mother’s day ! And so for your reading pleasure (drum roll, please)…..

                                          CELEBRATE

            v- sell-a-brat….a poem for muther

               Brats is what we is, rollin’ like the shiz

               crusty butts and crooked smiles

             never matching, we got style

                   we might scream and you know we’ll fart

                   may act dumb,but you know we’re smart

                          you said “no”, we’ll ask again…..

                      won’t back down until we win

           alarm clock rings, we might come down

                could be happy, could have frowns

              never quiet, rarely still…………..

               must   have    action

                 we always will

               here comes mom, she’s such a snoop

  kids wash your hands, after a poop, put down that doggy

      make your bed, you smell awful, did you wash your head ?

                  She prefers manners, don’t be crass

                    but if you mess with her kids, she’ll kick your…..donkey.

 

disclaimer- I apologize for anything offensive, this is a birdseye view of our life from the Butcher, in his own words.

 

If your husband did anything half as creative as this, I’d like to know about it. comment.

Soccer !

there was an old woman…….

Yesterday ,I tried the calm approach with my kids. I did not yell, of course ,they did not hear a lot of what I was saying ,and I had to repeat it quite a few times.shaped20buildings_460a1c139c793 By the time Thomas got home my face was tight and my ears had steam coming out. Seriously, the first thing he said was ” are you ok ?” I said “yes, I am trying the calm approach”. Ha ! This morning was a different story……..Isaiah didn’t want to get up, we were out later than normal at the soccer game. And started out the morning asking for candy, crying, ignoring Thomas when he told him to get shoes on and brush teeth. Eventually, there was some yelling. He does not take direction well. For those of you handing out advice in your mind right now, be advised- we have tried EVERY approach. We have been hard-nosed, not putting up with anything, we have been rewarders-giving gifts and prizes for good behavior, and we have been pscychologistic(I know thats not a word, thank you) trying to figure out what has caused his hurt and anger. And so far…zip. Nothing really seems to work.

               This morning was bad. I am saying it out loud and in writing, because its just not good to keep things in. I completely had a vision of the old woman who lived in the shoe…theres only four of them….what do I do ?

kicking your kids out of the car for fighting ??

NO.  I would not.

     complain about them…yes.

      beg them to stop….done that.

          pinch them….. unfortunately yes.

       stop the car and sit while crying silently…….afraid so people.

But I would not put them out of the car, ultimately, I am responsible for their safety, their instruction, their understanding of the rules. Basically, I am saying that if your kids are bickering so bad that you want to put them out of your car ,picture-148onto the street…..YOU, as the mom, have to take some of the responsibility.